


I'm so sorry

by dat_carovieh



Category: The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Romance, Fix-It, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-21
Updated: 2020-01-21
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:47:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22351309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dat_carovieh/pseuds/dat_carovieh
Summary: Post Episode 6. Geralt and Jaskier try to cope with what happened.
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia & Jaskier | Dandelion, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Comments: 3
Kudos: 220





	I'm so sorry

**Author's Note:**

> _Obligatory: I'm not a native speaker. If you spot a mistake, feel free to tell me._
> 
> _I was inspired by[this](https://consultingskeletondetective.tumblr.com/post/190372896556/imagine-post-ep-6-jaskier-devastated-and) tumblr post. _
> 
> If you'd like follow me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/datcarovieh) or on [Tumblr](https://dat-carovieh.tumblr.com/)

It had been a big fucking mistake. Everything. Saying all that horrible stuff to Jaskier, sending him away and then not even running after him. He had just let him leave on his own. He hadn’t even been angry at Jaskier, it was Yennefer who made him so angry. Even after Jaskier had gone it had taken him way too long to realize how bad he had fucked up. He had been too emotional to realize it earlier. When he had finally come to his senses, Jaskier had been long gone and Geralt had no idea how to find him again.  
Because of that was now travelling through the land, fuelled from his anger, this time anger about himself. Anger about sending away the one person who had really cared about him and never really asked for anything in return. Jaskier would probably be fine without him. He had been before they met. The question was, could Geralt be fine without Jaskier? Right now, it didn’t feel like it at all. He had to find him, he had to apologize and maybe if he would be very lucky, Jaskier would decide, Geralt would be worth it, to travel together again.

Jaskier had stumbled down this mountain on his own. He’d told Geralt he would get the rest of the story from the others and he wanted to, but he couldn’t. As soon as he turned away, there were tears forcing their way out of his eyes, no way he would let the others see him like that. So he just left, completely alone, with just his lute, a bedroll and a couple of Orens. Not like money would have done him any good out there but he would get to a town eventually. He managed to get to a town and pull himself together enough to earn at least a little money. On his way through the wilderness he had written a new song. A song full of heartbreak and pain. He had called it ‘Her sweet kiss’. To someone who didn’t knew him it would sound like he was just singing about a woman who had left him. But actually, it was about Geralt and him and Yennefer. And what she had done to them.  
People seemed to like this kind of drama, which made it easy to earn a nice sum in an evening and he immediately spent most of this money to get wasted in hopes he would forget what had happened. Of course, it didn’t help, he just woke up with a bad headache the next morning. That didn’t stop him from trying again. Through his time with Geralt he had become quite famous and people actually wanted to hear his song. Even requested some in particular. And even though it hurt to sing about Geralt he couldn’t really afford to turn down the money. Hence, he just continued, wandering from town to town, singing, drinking, sleeping around with married women, with unmarried women, with prostitutes, he didn’t care, everything that would take his mind of things just for a little while. He had even gotten into some fights while he had been drunk, luckily nothing to serious, it was mostly broken up by an innkeeper or someone else before anything could happen. But he probably wouldn’t care of he’d get hurt. It didn’t really matter.  
He couldn’t say how much time had passed since the Dragon hunt. Weeks? Month? Even a year? Did it matter? He just stumbled into another inn. At this time, they were all the same to him. He got himself something to eat and to drink. He played a couple of songs, got some money and some alcohol for his singing. He sat down and ordered more. He often sat alone these days. Company had started to be exhausting for the usually so outgoing bard. But often enough someone would join him if he wanted or not. This evening was no exception. A woman sat down next to him and started talking. He looked at her. She was beautiful maybe he would take her up to his room later if he felt like it. While he was thinking about it, a shadow had appeared next to him. He looked up and saw three angry looking guys standing next to the table.  
“What are you doing with my wife?“ the one in the middle demanded to know. Jaskier looked at her and then at him.  
“SHE is YOUR wife?” he asked raising an eyebrow.  
“Sure is, got a problem with that?”  
“Not really, she’s allowed to marry whoever she wants, I just think she could do a lot better than you,” Jaskier answered, leaning back lazily.  
“What did you say!” the man yelled.  
“You heard me, she could do a lot better.”  
That seemed to be enough for that guy and before Jaskier realized what was going on he was pulled out of the tavern and thrown down on the dirty street. Before he could get up, he felt a boot kicking him into his stomach.  
When it all was over the man who had talked to him bent down and looked him in the eyes. “You better leave now and never come back, because if I see you again, I will kill you.”  
Jaskier got back to his feet and stumbled back inside. The world was turning way to fast and he had no idea if it was because of the alcohol or the beating. But he would do what the guy had told him and leave. As quickly as possible. Everyone was looking at him, but he ignored them, grabbing his things and getting out.  
He found an old shed just outside the town walls where he could spend the night. But before he needed to examine his injuries. Bruises everywhere and some small cuts. He suspected his face would look similar, he found a little blood trickling down his cheek and his eye felt as it was swollen. If he had bad luck it would be swollen shut the next morning. Cursing he treated the cuts before he laid down to sleep for the night.  
Like he thought, he couldn’t open he right eye when he woke up the next morning. Jaskier wasn’t sure if he wanted to know what his face looked like right now. He just gathered his things and got on the road again.

It had been several months now since Geralt so cruelly sent Jaskier away and still he had no lead where the bard could be. He was thinking of just giving up. He couldn’t bear that feeling every time he entered a tavern, when the hope was building up just to be destroyed as soon as he realized Jaskier wasn’t there. He could just live on the road, avoid taverns, destroying his chance of finding Jaskier but also avoiding that crushing feeling of destroyed hopes. But he wasn’t ready to give up yet. Therefore, on this evening he entered the town tavern again. His stomach feeling like it would turn over from hope and fear as he pushed open the door. And he heard singing, nothing that didn’t happened before of course, there were a lot of bards, but he recognized this voice. He couldn’t believe it as he pushed open the door completely. One step in he stopped dead in his track. That was not what he expected to see. Yes, it was Jaskier. He was playing and singing and dancing around, smiling. But all that could not cover the fact that his face looked horrible. His right eye was swollen shut, there was a cut on his left cheek and several bruises on his face. And that was only what Geralt could see. He didn’t dare imagine what it looked like under the clothes. Jaskier hadn’t seen him yet, he was turned sideways, not paying attention to whoever would walk through the door.  
Geralt walked up to him, not being able to hide his shock. He had imagined he would be happy to see Jaskier again but right now he only felt sick and angry at whoever had done this.  
“Jaskier,” he said. The lute made a dissonant sound before going silent and Jaskier turned around, staring at him in disbelief. Up close the bard looked even worse.  
“Who did this to you?” Geralt whispered and lifted his hand, intending to stroke Jaskier’s cheek. But the bard pulled back.  
“I don’t think that’s any of your concern,” Jaskier said and turned back, lifting his lute again, to start the song from the beginning.  
Quickly Geralt reached out, grabbed Jaskier’s wrist and yanked him back.  
“I want the name of the man who did this to you so I can destroy him for touching you,” Geralt growled.  
“Don’t bother,” Jaskier answered, his eyes cold, “because I’m not your friend.”  
That hurt so much more then every single time he entered an inn and Jaskier wasn’t there. He felt like his legs would betray him any second. His grip loosened and Jaskier freed his arm, before turning around and walking away. Geralt took all his strength together to run after Jaskier. He could not make the same mistake again, he had to follow him this time. Outside he saw him standing on the street, looking in no particular direction.  
“Jaskier!”  
Jaskier didn’t turn around.  
“Go away,” he answered, his voice sounded like he was choking.  
“Please Jaskier, let my apologize to you.”  
“I said go away,” Jaskier answered still without turning around.  
“I’m sorry,” Geralt whispered, barely loud enough for Jaskier to hear, before the bard started to walk away. Geralt felt defeated, he just managed it to get inside again and sit down at an empty table where he would spend the next hours. Ordering food but only managing to eat a little of it and finally going to bed. He had hoped Jaskier would come back but if he did, he didn’t see him.

Tears were streaming down Jaskier’s face as he walked out of the door. Just a couple of steps away he stopped, not knowing where to go now.  
“Jaskier!”  
Geralt had followed him.  
“Go away,” he answered, not turning around so Geralt wouldn’t see his tears.  
“Please Jaskier, let my apologize to you.”  
“I said go away.”  
As he started walking, he heard a quiet “I’m sorry.” And then a door. Geralt must have gone back inside.  
The moment he saw Geralt he wanted nothing more then hug him and never letting him go but he was so angry and so hurt, he wanted Geralt to feel the same pain, hoping it would lighten his own. But it didn’t. The desperate voice made it even worse. He had no idea what to do now. He didn’t want to lose Geralt for good, but he also couldn’t go back in there and talk to him. Not now.  
He had been here before and knew the back entrance that would lead directly to the rooms, he decided to take that one and avoid Geralt, even though it hurt.

Geralt spent the next day in town, talking to people, finding jobs, visiting vendors stocking up on things he needed on his travels, looking after Roach and the whole time looking around for any sign of Jaskier in hopes he’d get another chance to apologize. But he couldn’t find him and no one seemed to have seen him that day.

Jaskier had stayed in his room the whole day, unable to get out of bed. He had barely slept, tossed around, not knowing what to do, not knowing if he would see Geralt again, but not able to find the strength to go down. Until it became evening. He had not eaten the whole day and was so hungry. But he wasn’t able to eat a lot. Some guests began demanding music and since it had always helped with his thoughts, when he was singing, he locked away his feelings and picked up the lute.  
It had been a long and exhausting day for Geralt, battling with his feelings the whole time, when he finally returned to the inn. When he pushed the door open, he could hear singing again, no doubt it was Jaskier. He closed the eyes and took a deep breath before entering. This time, he went straight to a table an sat down, so that he could see Jaskier. He wanted at least hear him sing again, even if he wasn’t allowed to talk to him.  
As Jaskier turned around he stopped for a brief moment and stared at Geralt who stared back. Neither showed any emotion on his face. But not even a second later Jaskier resumed playing, singing and had gotten his smile back. Geralt felt extremely guilty for making Jaskier feel bad, he had hoped he could just sit in the back unseen.

Jaskier had nearly dropped his lute when he saw Geralt sitting back there, staring at him. His whole body immediately felt limp. He swallowed and gripped his lute tighter. Concentrating hard on staying in character, ignoring everything around him.

Eventually the music stopped. Geralt was sure, Jaskier would leave and he would never see him again. But instead Jaskier came in his direction and sat down at the other side of the table with a cold look in his eyes.  
“OK, talk,” he demanded, looking at him angry.  
“I’m so sorry for everything I said, I meant none of it. I was so angry, but not about you and I still let it all out on you. I should have immediately gone after you but I didn’t, because I wasn’t thinking clear. When I finally went after you, I couldn’t find you anymore. I’ve been looking for you since, hoping you’d allow me to apologize. I never wanted to hurt you and I hurt myself so much as well. You deserve so much more, and you deserve someone who appreciates you. I wish I would be allowed to be this person. And I don’t think I have ever said so much at once.“ Geralt blurted out everything that was sitting in his mind, feeling it would never be enough. But there was a little smile on Jaskier’s face, just a tiny bit.  
“You hurt me so much, but I also missed you way more. After I went away yesterday, I feared I’ve lost you for good. I couldn’t believe it when I saw you sitting here. But please don’t do that to me ever again.”  
“I won’t, I promise.” Geralt reached out across the table, offering his open hand. Jaskier hesitated for a second, before he took Geralt’s hand and held it tight in his own. He had to choke back his tears.  
“Do you think... maybe, we could go outside for a moment?” Jaskier suggested. Geralt nodded and got up, without letting go of Jaskier’s hand. As if he would deny him anything he asked right now. They were clinging to each other desperately. As soon as the door had closed behind them, Jaskier leaped at Geralt and threw his arms around his neck. Geralt who had the same idea caught him and lifted him a little bit of the floor. They were just standing there, clinging to each other afraid, the other one would disappear if they let go.  
“It’s getting cold, we should get back inside,” Geralt suggested after a while, Jaskier let go of him, but immediately took Geralt hand into his own, he didn’t plan to let him get away from him soon. Geralt didn’t seem to mind, he gripped Jaskier’s hand and pulled him inside and up the stairs. A little uncertain Jaskier stood in the hall, looking at the door of his room.  
“You can sleep in my room, the bed is big enough for two,” Geralt suggested. He didn’t like the idea of not having Jaskier by his side so soon after they found each other again. Jaskier seemed happy about this suggestion and allowed Geralt to pull him into the room. Only when the door was properly locked, they felt ready to let go of each other. But only a couple of minutes later they were laying in the bed, which was maybe not as big as Geralt said but still had enough room for both of them. They were laying on their sides, looking at each other, Geralt was fondly stroking Jaskier’s hair.  
“Will you now tell me, what happened to you?” Geralt asked. Jaskier sighed. “Not today, I don’t want to think about it right now,” he answered. Not what Geralt wanted, but as Jaskier kissed him seconds later, he couldn’t think about it anymore, he just closed his eyes and pulled the bard closer. When they fell asleep, they were still laying facing each other, Jaskier’s face pressed to Geralt’s chest and Geralt’s arm wrapped around Jaskier.


End file.
